‘Okay… I get it!’ That is what I literally wanted to shout today; and I never shout.
So, lets go back to the beginning. A guy I know was giving me and another girl and really hard time before class because we’re both single. He was saying it jokingly… but putting someone down and insulting them using a joking tone isn’t really a good excuse… and he wouldn’t let it go. He called me ‘sheltered’ and said that he really wants to take me to a strip club because apparently that’s ‘what I need’ to help get me out of my shell. I can usually laugh these things off and move on, and outwardly I did, but it bothered me.
I bothered me because I want nothing more than to be in a relationship; I want nothing more than to be a wife and mother… but that’s something that hasn’t worked out in my life yet. I have spent so many nights crying because of the loneliness that I sometimes can’t seem to shake off… because I hold my friends’ precious babies and want one of my own so badly. How can I miss a baby so badly that I’ve never even met? How can I miss a man who I don’t even know? But I do; with all my heart I miss them and feel the loss.
I wanted so badly to tell him that ‘I get it… just let it go’. But as I sat there during class listening to an utterly boring lecture by a professor who really doesn’t seem to like any of us, God placed a message on my heart: you make the decision every day whether you’re going to focus on what your life is missing or all the things you have been blessed with. I have been so down and so discouraged for a while now: trying to manage two jobs and school along with everything else going on in my life and I had been feeling so defeated. Then, last night, I had a long talk with God and He gave me back the peace I have been missing for the past couple months. I had gotten so busy with life that I hadn’t been spending time with Him. And today, when Satan came back in my face trying to make me feel alone, unworthy, unwanted, and unloved God gave me that gentle reminder that He has blessed me; my life is not empty and I am loved by the Creator of the universe. How amazing to feel loved by such a wonderful God! I am single, and I sometimes battle loneliness, but I am waiting on God’s timing; waiting on the man I know God created just for me.
I’m not going to settle and I’m not going to rush His perfect timing. With God’s help, I am going to keep focusing on those blessings and trusting Him with my future. I encourage you all: don’t let anyone tell you that you need a man and rush you into a relationship that isn’t right for you: I learned from experience that it only leads to heartache and pain. Be encouraged that, in God’s perfect timing, He will reveal His perfect ending to your story.